Useless Information

"The Chinese ideogram for trouble depicts two women living under one roof."



For some reason, this made me laugh out loud with complete understanding. I loved it!







**** From the Book: The Book of Useless Information. An official publication of Ned Botham & The Useless Information Society. Thousands of things you didn't need to know. . . and probably don't.

Get That Fruity Pebble on the Phone

Hmmm. I have been tagged by Alli (yes, she's running and hiding from me at this very moment, but I will find her. Rest assured). Though, not to shirk my duties as a dutiful blogger - here are the 7 things one may not know about me:

1. I am a major history buff. I am especially enamoured by the Medieval era (AKA: Western Civilization). I am not a lover, as is well known, of the Military Channel that the husband insists (to my great aches & pains) on watching (uh. bor-ring), but every so often there's a good bit of yesteryear . . . *shhhhh. don't tell him*
   
2. I am infatuated with zombies, aliens and ghosts. They may or may not exist, but they make for damn good movies or TV! Have I mentioned, "Sean of the Dead" recently? Right. It's a fantastic movie! Also, I secretly watch "The Ghost Whisperer" and "Most Haunted" every Friday night. If I have to go out during those times I am covertly depressed. Yes, I have TIVO - it doesn't matter, I'm still mournful.
   
3. Scuba diving in the ocean is one of my favorite things. If I could live underwater I would not think twice. And if any of you know what it is like to breath while being 60 to 80-feet underwater watching whole other eco-worlds of fishes, turtles, shrimps, sharks, eels, lobsters, squids and/or corals, you know what I mean. That is my pursuit of happiness.
   
4. I went sky-diving once. I wasn't frightened . . . . . . . . . until I hit the ground and realized what I had just done. My dad didn't talk to me for 3-days afterwards. I will never do that again. It was a one time deal.
   
5. I make friends easier with men. They are much more approachable, non-judgemental, easy going and not as snarky as the ladies. I do believe that men and women can be friends - you have to have the same goals in the relationship to have it work though. I also think this is why I highly value the little group of girlfriends I have. They are important to me because I have so few.
   
6. Since I was 4-years-old, I've wanted to be a veterinarian. I regret that I never tried.
   
7. I know most of the lines to "The 40-Year-Old-Virgin". I first saw that with my parents. When it was over, I looked at my little sister as well as her husband and asked, "did I just see porn with my parents?!"
   

There's more, but you will have to wait until I've been tagged once more.

Because I'm Old[er]

Sunday was the 7th-Anniversary-of-My-29th-Birthday. My friend, Susan, came up for the weekend, which was definitely awesome. This is her:

If you are wondering why Susan looks like the Patio Rules sign, it's because she does.

The husband took us out to Gloria's, an awesome El Salvadoran/Tex Mex restaurant here in this longhorn city of ours this past Friday night. Massive food intake, including Margarita's and Mojito's ensued! Two shared desserts later we wound up at The Covey sharing a bottle of White Star Moet Champagne. In the word's of Borat, "Vary Niiice!"

Bringing my readers to Saturday, the husband took us out for dinner and a band at Central Market for "Burger's and Bach". CM grills burgers, sandwiches and tuna (the tuna was fantastic!) made to order or you can buy any of their drinks, salads or food from their store while hanging around listening to bands play the night away. A group of friends of ours met us out there as well. We stayed laughing, chatting, drinking and eating until the band packed it up. Then, once the 3 of us got home, Susan and I watched, "The Holiday," which is an excellent movie. I highly recommend it!

It's my birthday!
Turtle Cheesecake. . . . mmmmm. . . .

The husband, stealing CM's utensils in massive quantities.
(que "Mission Impossible" theme song)
Yep. The CM Chef caught him.
No jail time ensued. This was good.

The husband was very good to me this year. Too good . . . one of my favorite and most treasured gifts was the Corinthian Bells that I've been wanting for years. They look and sound amazing:

So faith, hope and love abide, these three,
but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13)

Finally, we sold Eleanor-the-First, yesterday, on my birthday. This little exchange of supply and demand inhibited us from going to Medieval Times. While you might call me a dork, it is where I wanted to go eat on my birthday. It's supposed to be a really fun time (so I've heard - I can't say, because I've never been). Besides, it was my birthday and I can do what I wanted (even if it makes me a doofus). So there.

Except. . . I didn't. Which is okay too. We hit one of our favorite and cute little bistro's instead. Furthermore, consuming ice cream birthday cake from Marble Slab. Yum! We also settled in for some Zombie killing on the XBox 360. Sleep came pretty quickly. All in all a pretty darn good weekend, if I do say so myself.

Bye bye Eleanor.

One down, one to go

P.S. Happy birthday to my big brother too. He was born on the very same day only a year ahead of me. Hey. . . Age before beauty. . . !

Excellent! Buy Me a Monkey

A friend, a few years back, affectionately nicknamed me, Amazonian Princess. This did not offend me, because 1) a friend named me and 2) it's appropriate. I am Amazonian. I am not a princess or any sort of the monarch royalty by birth, but I can act like one of the best of 'em - just ask the husband. He'll tell you, but he is my husband and he can say these things without the threat of death by sporking lying over his cute little face. And most times, the husband will say I'm justified. So there.

At least I know it and freely admit it.

However, there are times that I do not know what to do with it, especially when it comes from someone I barely, if even, know . . . .

tri-man-athl: you must've been a swimmer previously . . . or . . . you must lift weights, because you have back muscles just like a man. . .
me: uh. No. I never swam, but - uh - I do lift weights at least twice a week. *could the earth immediately please split open and swallow me whole*
tri-man-athl: really. You have huge back muscles! *astonishment*
me: you really know what to say to a woman to make her feel just like a woman, huh. *kill me now. just kill me*

Really. Is that a compliment? Is that just plain scary? Or is that just a scary statement about me? Should I be scared? Should I have sporked his face off? I feel as if I'm in a bit of a conundrum here.

You see, deep down I want to be pretty. I want to be smart. I want to be a lady. I want to be able get off the Titanic first. I want taxi's to stop for me. I like being assessed by my shoes. I like being a slave to fashion. Finally, I like my girlie parts of me. What I do not want is to have a. well. muscled. man's. back.

Do you think chocolate will solve this problem?

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
~Joseph Conrad~

Use It. Enjoy It. And Remember To Wipe Off The Sweat As a Courtesy to Others

I am very aware of my AWOL'ness these past few days. While I could give you a list of the things that have gotten in the way of your When the Godiva is Gone blog reading pleasure, I won't. Suffice it to say that I've been busy. Really busy. I am so supremely busy, it's taken me 5 weeks to get to the grocery store. Yes. I said 5 weeks. It got so bad that I didn't even have water in my fridge. Sure, the husband and I were able to eat out twice a day, but that is some serious jeopardy for the waistline as well as the fact that that even gets monotonous. I do like vegetables not strewn in butter soup now and then. Not to mention fresh fruit. I don't even like butter. . . .

Anyhow, I did manage to get to the grocery store twice yesterday. Once for lunch fixings and the other for dinner ingredients. In between, I managed to wake the graveyard working husband to attend the Pink Martini concert yesterday afternoon. Free tickets from a neighbor and a really good time. I still have the major grocery shop to finish, as well as to mow the yard and plant more bushes. I'm not even going to mention the flowers I have to plant - besides, the squirrels seems to think flower roots are their very own personal gourmet meal. I'm about to go and buy out this entire Longhorn city of its Cajun-burn-the-mouth-seasonings . . .

Finally, once the husband awakes today, we'll be hitting the CompuTrainer where he has informed me that I must begin to train on hills. For at least an hour. An hour of riding hills. Do you know what that will do to me?

the husband: you do realize that you have to start riding up some hills, right?
me: uh. *zombies*
the husband: you need to do that.
me: ugh. *zombies everywhere*
the husband: Jen. . . . *exasperation*
me: uh. I. Don't. Want. To.
the husband: it'll be good for you.
me: um. is there such a thing as easy hills? *what do you mean there is no tooth fairy*
the husband: *laughter*
me: seriously. I hate hills. I don't just sound like I'm dying going up a hill - I AM DYING.
the husband: it won't kill you.
me: what if I do die, then what?
the husband: you won't die.
me: what if I do?
the husband: you are not going to die riding your bike up a hill.
me: how do you know that?
the husband: because I do.
me: well, if I do die you're gonna feel bad. . .
the husband: You. Are. Not. Going. To. Die.
me: I could. . . .
the husband: cutitout! *walks away*
me: ugh. grrmph. mmmrzzzph. *more zombies again*

Currently, I am awaiting a call from my bank to inform me of my escrow situation where I can then politely turn around and share said information with my accountant. Taxes are such a lovely thing.

Today's list has only just begun and somehow is growing like sea monkeys.

Are There Any Hobbits Still Left in America

Do you ever have one of those days where nothing you can say or do seems to be right?

Welcome to my day.

Appeasing the "Explanation Request Gods" Addendum:

I am not in the habit of either of these two individuals, but one day, in a galaxy far far away, I was flipping through the TV channels only to find Oprah talking with Miss Janet Jackson sans wardrobe malfunction. Apparently, at this time, Janet had recently turned the big 4-0. Insofar as much as I can remember, here's what Oprah had to say: "what's it been like for you to turn forty? I ask this because, I have found that when I had turned forty, I stopped caring about what other people thought of me. For example, am I good enough, am I happy enough, was or wasn't I offensive, does someone like me or not, etc., etc., etc.? It just wasn't in me to care much about what others thought of me. It was very freeing to have that thought . . . ."

Essentially, if I got this one right, Oprah was saying: I am what I am. Either you like me for that or you don't. To the same degree, it no longer bothers me.

I want to be forty.

Renewing Our Vows

Front Yard Before Picture . . . .

So, today is Monday, March 26, which means that the husband and I were going to travel to Hill Country for a 4-day vacation so that we may actually have alone time together. No bike riding, no bike races, no running, no work, no gym, no dogs, no cats, no housework, no blogging, basically, no nothing unless it was done together.

I, on the other hand, decided to have a meltdown along the lines of Chernobyl approximately 2-days ago. This great grumpy-pumpkin sized cataclysm of mine will have forever changed our holiday plans that had once included artistry, fine wines, gourmet dinners, bike rides (together, people, together), movies, hiking or to just view the inner beauty of the great state of Texas. No, we will no longer be enjoying such luxuries outside of this longhorn city, because crazy time began Friday, March 23 at approximately 3:15 PM in the Honda Ridgeline while on the way to the movies. *Shudder*

Instead we will be staying at home to start & finish desperately needed landscaping and house painting. We have 4-days to plant 50 bushes, research [we did have a cool trip to the Botanic Gardens this morning], purchase, dig out existing grass, hedge and plant innumerable native Texas flowers around trees, the front walk and the garage fence, as well as paint the house trim - yes. all. of. the. trim. 4 days. I might as well be strapped to a chair getting my ear cut off.

And to make things even better . . . today, it is raining like the sky hasn't opened since Noah built the arc. The forecast shows possible thunderstorms for the next 4-days. Oh yes. We will be digging in the mud as my mini-Chernobyl was not for nothing. The plans have not changed. I certainly showed the husband who the Alpha Diva was. . . .

Um. Right.

So, while the rain pounds the pavement in mass quantities, and the husband pulls a Homer, I, the Alpha Diva, blogs. . . .