Are You on Medication

Oh.

And because I am a techno geek of whom has not the time to blog today and being one that practices the vein of embarrassing the hell out of myself by not minding the shame, I'll leave my 6 readers with the 25-top most played songs on my iPod Nano (try to remember I use this at the gym - motivation is the key word here, people. Motivation). Besides, it is well known that I like to revel in my own shamefacedness (if that's even a word), so I thought I'd put this out there on the world-wide cyber space for all to enjoy a laugh or two at my very own expense.

Here goes nothing:

25. Pride In the Name of Love - U2
24. Gone - U2
23. Why Should I Cry For You - Sting
22. When Love Comes to Town - U2
21. If You Wear That Velvet Dress - U2
20. Do You Feel Loved - U2
19. Dreams - The Cranberries
18. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
17. Do Somethin' - Britney Spears
16. I Will Follow - U2
15. Where the Streets Have No Name - U2
14. Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
13. You Still Touch Me - Sting
12. Holler If ya Hear Me - Tupac
11. Discotheque - U2
10. Yeah! - Usher
9. Afraid - Nelly Furtado
8. If - Janet Jackson
7. Toxic - Britney Spears
6. Mofo - U2
5. Shake That - Eminem
4. Stronger - Britney Spears
3. I'm a Slave 4 U - Britney Spears
2. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
1. In Da Club - 50 Cent



Et tu, Brute?

Hey, Let's Tally That Up Shall We

A few weeks ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . . . The husband decided to be adventurous [again]. Pulling out the Godiva Liqueur, Disaronno and Grand Marnier. . .

me: you should test that first. . . *blehck*
the husband: baby . . . . *innocent until proven guilty*
me: you should. I'm not trying that until you take a sip. *I am a Taurus. Duh.*
the husband: that's just mean. *sad puppy eyes*
me: well, the last concoction you made almost killed us, if you remember
the husband: that is not true. *my wife the drama queen*
the husband: *taking a sip* mmm. that's pretty good. Try it . . . . .
me: are you lying just to see the look on my face *death by sporking*
the husband: just try it. . .
me:*taking a supremely small sip* hey! We're calling that The Thomas! I want the rights! I want the royalties! I'm writing the movie and the book!
the husband: I told you it was good.
me: do you think that chef guy that invented the Cesar salad gets royalties? *early retirement!*

Laugh and the Whole World Laughs With You, Cry and You Have to Blow Your Nose

I have to ask, what does a girl do when her "girl claws" come out (but in this instance these claws have absolutely nothing to do with being territorial)? 'Cos, ladies, if you ever lay your hands on the husband, I will eradicate you like you've never seen Rambo before. Plain and simple. No problems there. But what if you're just angry? How does a girl deal with that? What does she do?

Generally, I consider myself a pretty decent human being. At times, I tease the husband more than I should (and put it in writing on the world-wide-net for the entire heavenly body to view), but that just means we have a solid relationship. If we didn't I could not write some of the things I do. He understands this. I respect this. And I love him all the more for him letting me be me. Everybody knows I am far from perfect myself. Even if I am a delicate flower.

However, I have even been known as a pushover. Some of my friends have said and continue to say I'm too nice as well as too forgiving and they've tried to help me with that. Most of their counsel has not been in vain - some of it has worked. And I believe am a better person for it. Though I'll never forget that an ex once said to me, "God, it must be nice to be you. I'd love to be ignorant. Ignorance is bliss." And then laughed at me. It hurt, but I forgave him for that. Eventually (and thank all the Gods in this universe), he became the ex. So, I can and will get there. In this day and age, be forewarned that the time line for me to achieve this is getting far shorter, especially since I'm becoming antiquated, primeval and in general just more crotchety. Or maybe it's just my dementia. Either way, I have a much shorter tolerance these days for people who steal my Godiva.

My point is, that I can and will turn into the devil incarnate if I am pushed far enough. It's not pretty either. And the husband, family as well as close friends will hear about it through my 90-mile-an-hour-machine-gun-mouth (or AK-47; whichever the kids find coolest these days). I pretty well sound like, "tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, atta, atta, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, atta, atta, tat, tat, tat, tat (reload), tat, tat, tat, atta, atta, tat, tat. . . . "

How to make me angry: To summarize, go ahead and tell me that I am insensitive, irrational, selfish, insult my marriage and tell me I lack empathy.

So, how am I to deal with that without landing myself in the federal penitentiary system for the rest of my life? What is a girl to do? The girl claws are extended and waiting . . . .

If He Knows What's Good For Him

"Honey, close your eyes."
"Are they closed?"
"Close 'em. . . "

I heard the husband shaking something as he walked from the kitchen to the family room. "I got you something yesterday." Me, ohhhhh (excitement!). . . maybe some diamonds! ?

"Open your eyes. . ."

"Awwww . . . it's GODIVA! Love it, honey! Thank you!"

"Well, uhhh . . .I know you don't like Godiva, but I thought . . ."

"What? Since when have I ever told you I don't like Godiva?"

"I swear you told me that."

"When?"

The husband replied in all his seriousness, "well, then I guess that must've been my mistress who doesn't like Godiva then. . . I don't know." To which my final answer to that remark was, "yeah. 'Cos you have time for one of those. For God sake, my friends already think you're fake."