Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I Will Swallow Your Soul

I found myself in the desert. Wearing my fatigues. Training to defuse a bomb. My heart was pounding with such a force that I felt it vibrating in my head. My hands were more than slightly shaking. I reached out for the Sprite can - the explosive at hand. Gently, deliberately I turned the mouth of the can north knowing it would work. It had to. People would be hurt if I did not accomplish what I had been trained for months to do.

I remember relief.

And then sprinting. Hard. I had never run as hard in my life as I was in that instant. We were being overrun. But by whom? My legs were in the beginnings of fatigue. I recalled they were yelling at us. A foreign tongue. I could not; did not want to understand. What happened? What was going on?

Later, at the sound of their voices, I snuck down some stairs. I heard their commander giving orders, I pointed my weapon the green laser grazing his body. Their red pointing back. I yelled into my partners radio, "bring the rain!" Realizing how out numbered we were, we started to ascend back up the stairs. Only bringing commotion.

"Hide" was my only thought. My only way of surviving.

Behind the concrete stairway I was thinking this not enough to conceal me even masqueraded in camouflage. I could hear my heart again. I felt the blood falling from my face. Where was their night vision? Then came the screams. They were unbelievable and unreal. Their shrieking sounded "dead". Deafening. Each one pierced my soul deeper than the last. Crouched where I was I took a peek at what was to come.

Suddenly, one of the foreigners jumped over the counter. My scream matched the others.

Commandos jumped into their holes. All others were not forgiven nor spared. Those who had no hole had nothing left. Nothing. I dared not breathe. Terrified to be found until they left. I could not determine where to dig my hole. And, as God as my witness, I searched for that place to shovel. I had nowhere.

I became fearful. The hairs on the back of my neck felt it. The other commandos emerged from their holes, picked me up and told me to run. Run like hell and do not stop. I stayed in the crowd hoping to be safer in numbers. My eyes had told me differently. . . . .


. . . . I awoke with a jump. My heart pulsing just as fast as in my dream. With a shortness of breath I realized I just had a dream of battle. Are you kidding me? Me? Battle?

Do you think I may be watching the husband play his XBox 360 war games a little too much lately?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I Thought I Smelled Jewerly

As many of you may or may not have perceived, I've been stressing lately (and not so mildly), but I can put that all behind me as of this morning. I passed my national boards. I am now an official licensed Massage Therapist in 25 states, including Puerto Rico. That's kinda cool, I think.

My seven readers may also be wondering what I did to celebrate my passing test score? Well, I took my newly licensed bum went into the backyard and performed poo-patrol. . . .

Exams and poo. My life in eight sentences. Somehow I'm missing wine, vodka and cupcakes.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Life is Just One Damned Thing After Another elbert hubbard

My prevailing life in pictures:

Very studious.

This is what a notebook looks like when one
fails miserably on their practice exams.
Once you get over the shock and horror of my first attempts at genius-ness; try, if you will, to notice the re-takes on the bottom 1/2 of the page. Really,I'mnotaduncecapwearer. Promise!

Dinner table converted.
Yes, that was my dinner last night.
One cannot get more gourmet than Diet Mt. Dew and Craisons. Geesh.

Anyhow, that's me in three photographs.

For the past week, this has been my life sucking vampire and this is how it shall be for a bit. My dinner may change from time to time, because, truth be told, I don't really like soda (I know, blasphemy!) and I'd really rather have a glass of wine and a cupcake. But I don't have a cupcake. Wine is a different story, but the main focus here is to study. And that I am.

With that, I have successfully avoided studying for 28-minutes & 32.7-seconds. The devil is pulling me back.

I bid you adieu.

Friday, August 1, 2008

It's Hard Enough To Find Your Way Around Chinatown

P.S. I threw the black bean sopa down the disposal.

I went mountain biking for 2-hours with the husband and another couple today. I did not break my face.

Although, you could have wrung me out like a soaking wet washcloth a few times and then some. The weather channel said it's 103-degree Fahrenheit here in our Longhorn City, but the heat index said it actually feels like 107 outside. I gotta tell you - it does. For serious.