Friday, February 29, 2008

Your Ancient Customs Intrigue Me

Yesterday, it started with a nap. A rarity if I ever do so. But if it must be done it is a 20 to 30 minute rest only. Yet, I awoke after an hour of sleeping hard. I immediately wanted to go back to sleep.

Then, I could not be more than 50-feet from the good ole porcelain goddess or god, whatever your preference might be. I still cannot leave this DMZ Longhorn City toto area. A zone that did not formally exist two days ago. My tummy is full of bubbly and not the good kind. It's not good for anyone involved. Trust me on this. I'll spare the details.

Finally, it feels as if a zombie is eating the back of my eyeballs out. Let me tell you what a fantastic feeling that is. My head hurts too. To top things off and make it that much worse, I have lost all sense of my appetite. Everyone knows how much I love my food, the smells, the tastes and the cooking of.

Am I turning into a zombie? Am I in hell?

Maybe, like wine in a decanter, I need air, to relax, to stretch, to become comfortable? I cannot possibly be ill. I have too much to do today, tomorrow and Sunday. Besides, the weather is fantastically beautiful. I have my back door open and it smells like spring. Awesome. I want to walk the dogs, look at pretty flowers bursting out and soak up the gorgeousness of the day(s).

Instead, I sit here telling my seven readers of the fetid stank pit oddball, which is full of decaying nasties; the thing that was formerly known as "me". I'll need to come up with a symbol, just like that guy who is Formerly-Known-As-Prince. Or is he back to being Prince?


Say a little prayer for me. Please.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Guy and Burn 26% More Calories

I'm keeping the hater list short today.

I had a burger with goat cheese for dinner tonight - no french fries. Yeah, I'm working that hard to lose those fat pounds clinging for dear life onto my body. I can still taste the onions - three hours later. I hate that. (Shoish-up about the burger. . . ) I know you don't care what I had for dinner, lunch or even breakfast for that matter. I'm just sayin' I don't like the oniony left-behind taste that stays even after you've brushed the pearly-whites. I. hate. it.

Also, I don't like it when I try to take my contact lenses out where the one in my left eye suctions onto my eyeball like an octopuses tentacle desperately hanging onto that poor fish caught for dinner. That hurts.

Anyway, to end on a good note, because my life is not all that awful. I have had a few really good past couple of days with the husband. This is not unusual in and of itself, I know that. But these past few days have been time well spent together. Why? Because I've forgone the thought processes that I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING (because I do) and listened to the husband. Really listened. And you know what? I learned. A lot.

I think I'm even more in love with him now than I was yesterday.

Please don't puke.

P.S. What do you hate? Tell me what has surprised you in these last few days as well. I want to hear about your hatin' as much as the McLovin'.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Can someone tell me why, an admittedly abhorrent, disagreeable, frightful, ghastly, hideous, lousy and do not forget obnoxious dancer, I. . . errr . . . . I mean, they would purchase "Dance Dance Revolution Universe 2" to play on their husbands XBox 360? And then wonder in complete and utter astonishment as to why they are failing miserably on the beginner workout level? Really. This needs an explanation.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Be Neighborly

The flyer found in the husbands and my mailbox regarding the "Progressive Dinner" to five different homes within in our very own street on February 16th, 2008? We accepted. We greeted. We drank. We discovered. We ate. We walked. We enjoyed.

We have fantastic, fun neighbors! We need to do this more often; just not in 5" stilettos.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Would Walk A Hundred Miles

The husband and I do not celebrate Valentine's Day in the traditional sense that most other couples in the world do. Each of us love on one another daily, so when this one day a year turns around we decided that we will not buy gifts, cards or go out and spend three times the normal amount on a restaurant only to be hurried out the front door for another couple waiting to be seated. Given time, this may come to pass, but in the meantime, we do enjoy spending time together on this day if we have it. The husband works more than a lot.

There are many reasons as to why we are not VD traditionalists, but I won't bore you with stuffy details (no serious funding previously, bad significant other VD days, bad significant others in general, work, etc.). Suffice it to say that we do try to do Valentine's every year with homemade pizza - yep, everything but the veggies & herbs are hand made - as well as with a few other indulgences. The usual flowers, champagne or wine, chocolate brownies and/or ice cream as well as a heart shaped piece of foodie or two.

In any case, the husband is now in the middle of doing all the dishes himself. Mmmm. . . . such a delicious rarity! I get to sit here and blog about it. I might just go run a bubble bath & relax with a bit of champagne. Or find some nookie! Huzzah!

Anyway, I hope you and yours, as well as my friends out there who are single and proud, had a fantastic Heart Day full of indulgences. . . .

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Mosquito Bite

***phone ringing***

caller i.d.: "private number; private name"

me: hello?
doofus: hi. Were you holding to lower your interest rate to 6.9% on your Visa or Mastercard?
me: um, no. We do not actually hold those credit cards, but we are on a "no call list" so I would appreciate if you wer. . . .
doofus: ***click***
me: . . . .to remove our names from your list. . . . Hello? Hello?! ***do I hear a dial tone***

Holy crapayedium. I was hung up on by a doofus. Oh no, they did not hang up on me! I was being very cordial to her. I mean, I get it. I understand that they are working in their job and as rotten in holy hell as that job is, I still have always tried to be, in the very least, kind. But. She. Hung. Up. On. Me. AndIwasbeingNICE!

And now, I have no one to call back to complain, because it was a private name; private number. Pffft.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

You Make My Head Muddy

Right. So, because I cannot just be content with sitting still, pretty much. . . . ever, I am on to another home improvement project. A simple one really. Just painting the guest bathroom a normal solid color, change out the wall mirror and the lighting fixtures.

Wah-lahhhhh & done. Thankyouverymuch.

I have already run into a couple, for the ease of use let us call them "issues", because that is nicer than what I had originally planned. And, I am a nice person. Maybe. Um. Since we are not here to talk about the awesomest of me . . . . we are moving on back to these "issues".

First, it has been discovered that the horrendous mural painted on the walls, is not just painted on the walls. Beelzebub, somewhere down the era of time lines, decided to paint this mural over wallpaper. So, I can't just primer over it; I must now remove it.

That's nice.

Secondly, I want to remove the hanging mirror that covers the wall and replace it with a much more fashionable one. The house must be stylish too, you know. Yet. . . .oh yeah. There is a yet. Mephistopheles had brilliantly determined that they should not remove the wall mirror to inlay tile. Instead, they just grouted the mirror to the tile.

You cannot get more lazy than that.

Overall, I have only just begun, so I don't have a "thirdly", "fourthly" or even a "finally" for my seven readers just yet. But hang in there - I will have something for all ya'll. More likely, sooner than later.

Tap, tap, tapping the mirror out.
The skill. Oh the skill.

Am I just lucky or do you also run into a**hats previous owners that do not seem to have a functioning brain in their body when it comes to home improvement? Am I mean? Wait . . . . don't answer that.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

I Love Pasta & Sunflowers

When the husband and I have a chance to enjoy breakfast with one another, we typically turn on BBC America, as we absolutely cannot get enough of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Top Gear, You Are What You Eat as well as Doctor Who, of which we are just beginning to get into. Yeah, I know. This does not make us cool or trendy or whatever. The point is, I enjoy any one of these shows just as much as the husband does. Neither one of us watch much of any TV. If it is on, we are usually watching a movie together or it is background noise for whatever we may be doing at the time. We will; however, sit down and watch the aforementioned BBC shows when one pops on. In my book, they sure as hell beat the Military Channel, Science Channel and/or NASA Channel, which tend to come on if by chance the husband gets the remote faster than I do. This phenomenon happens a lot. Like, more than you think you can imagine, much to my dismay. Most of you already know my feelings about these channels, so I won't bore you yet again.

Anyway, yesterday morning we were watching Ramsay cuss out yet another individual for being stoopid. What I don't understand is that Ramsay is a top rated world renowned chef with 5-star rated restaurants and these people called him for help and, in the end, they will not listen to him. Uh. Hello?! It seems to me that since your foodie place is failing miserably, you might want to take a listen to a dude that knows something about this industry. Learn and grow, people. Duh.

Yet I am digressing once again, when Ramsay was done trying to help out another miserable fellow, BBC America went on to this show: How Clean Is Your House? Now, I heart these two ladies. They are hysterical and more than practical. They can clean your house without harsh additives with things you can make yourself at home that will not harm thy outdoorsy environment. All good things there. Right? Right. Wrong! You see, I cannot watch this show when I'm eating any sort of food. Neither can the husband. These people that haven't cleaned in, oh I dunno, say 10-years or so; well, it's humongously disgusting. I do not even have words for this. I start gagging and thrashing about. The husband will turn off said show.

Then I begin marathon cleaning of the. entire. house.

Which is what exactly happened yesterday. I'm not talking my normal weekly clean of the house, that which includes scrubbing the bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, changing sheets, throwing out clutter and mopping. I'm talking vacuuming of the mattresses, box springs, curtains, door frames, every piece of furniture after it's been dusted, floors, books, ceilings, base boards and vents. In each and every room of the house in our Longhorn city. I even vacuumed the vacuum, which is probably some sort of an oxymoron. Everything in sight has been dusted and vacuumed, including Dixie, Lola and our female cat, Mia Bella whom, by the way, absolutely loves to be vacuumed. She chases me around the house begging for it and will get in my way of vacuuming the couch and chairs in order for me to do her. I am not kidding. Someday, I may video it to be posted. Then ya'll will believe.

Finally, this show always does this to me. It freaks me out that badly. I cleaned so much yesterday that I did not finish until 7 PM last night. I skipped lunch even. I have yet to scrub each of the bathrooms as well as finish up the laundry, but everything else is done. For now. NINE HOURS of cleaning. If Kim and Aggie happen to show up here to snoop around for those little horrors they tend to find and actually find some, I think I'll spork my own self to death.

I'm not OCD. Really . . . . I'm not.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

At Least You Got Good News

Tonight's menu :

  • Amazing potato & horseradish salad with fine herbs and bresaola
  • Rib roast of beef with beetroot and horseradish
  • Fifteen chocolate brownies
  • Razor's Edge Australian Shiraz

Summing up in two words: food coma.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Say Hello to My Little Friend

I bought this today:
It has completely made me giddy with delight.

Okay. Okay. I know. I already have 2,359 of his other cookbooks. . . .
but I did not own or touch or smell or cherish this one.
Until now. Now I do. Now I can.

Jealous yet?

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Gives Her a False Sense of Reality

Within the last two days, the husband and I have been experiencing some beautiful weather here in our Longhorn City. Yesterday, it was a high of 82-degrees F and right now it's 55-degrees F. I thought it was much warmer than that, especially since our thermometer at home said 71-degrees. . . . Hm? Sneaky, sneaky weather.

Either way, the husband and I decided that, today, we should go for an actual outdoor bicycle ride. Maybe I'd even get a leetol bit of a tan and not look like the walking dead. Bonus!

Little did I know it would be against blowing winds from Zeus himself, God of the heavens, brother of Demeter, Hera, Hestia and Poseidon. Coming from the west-northwest at 31-miles per hour up to 41-miles per hour. That was fun.

Good times, I've got to tell you.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

A Really Beautiful Relationship Is A Once in A Lifetime Thing

Where Were We?
Sometimes we are beerknurds.

Any guesses as to where the husband & I might have visited this past January 31st in the evening? Here's a couple more hints taken from plates (aka: Rings of Honor) which hang on the said buildings inside walls and ceilings:

For sale by owner: Liver. CHEAP! Slightly used.
Time is never wasted when your wasted all the time.
The eagle is hammered.
They tell me not to, but I still drinks it.
Stop staring & buy me a beer.
To whole wheat. Now that's a toast.

I consumed 1.5 wheat (weizen) beers that tasted strangely fascinatingly enough like Fruity Pebbles! How great is that to have beer that tastes like sugared cereal? Fun times, I tell you. I could only drink 1.5 beers because I get a full belly-delly from fermented wheat products. And . . . . I'm old.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


me + headache x unmotivated to do ANYTHING + extreme tiredness = zero.

Don't feel bad; it's not just all ya'll suffering my apathy. The house is only 1/2 clean this week. The laundry is piling up more than it has in, like, forever. Only one workout in about 10 days. One. Pathetic. Liposuction is looking better and better. For real. The dogs haven't been walked. Nor have I begun our tax preparation either. We'll just owe a big fat wad of cash anyway. Now that's dismal.

It was all I could do to get to the store - the husband had to come with me to get me to do this - and make Greek Turkey Burgers for dinner last night. They were super-duper good though. Homemade aioli to slather on thy (um. yes, it was the low-fat version. duh. mine did not include raw eggs either) turkey burgers that were stuffed with red bell peppers, spinach and herbs. Perfection of yum! No pictures. I forgot. Besides, it's not as if I'd be motivated to unpack my camera from my trip to H-town last weekend.


Furthermore, in my unresponsiveness state, the husband and I watched 2 movies yesterday. Resident Evil: Extinction and Good Luck Chuck. I was sadly disappointed in RE: Extinction & we all know how much I just love me some zombie movies. Well, that, and the fact that the first two RE movies rocked. But no worries, according to the previews on that DVD we should all be looking forward to Zombie Strippers coming out in 2008. Yeah. Real winner in that one. (For the mens-folk out there: it is starring Jenna Jameson so that may be something.)

Maybe this should have been a clue as to how awful RE: Extinction was going to turn out. Ya think? You know me, I try to give everything a chance. This is where I end up burned beyond recognition. But, don't fear, my age and crotchetiness is taking care of this little by little.

Anyway, Good Luck Chuck was fabulously cute. Both the husband and I got to giggling every now and then. I know there are a lot of haters out there for Jessica Alba. I, for one, am not. I think she is the epitome of cute. If she gets any cuter I think she'll implode. And now, with a baby on the way? Have you seen her? Adorable! Well, she still wears the most fabulous shoes while preggers too (note to readers: if I could find the greatest shoes worn by JAlba on the web, I would. But I can't. So, you'll just have to pretend. Think red & pink.)

All you haters of the JAlba - just shoish.

The husband and I finally hope to rehire some lawn guys today. They are out there working hard right now. Let us pray that they shall show up and mow thy little plot of earth on a regular basis. Showing up is key. I want people to hate me because my yard is beautiful.

End rant. I'm going back to being unmotivated. Maybe I'll go look at the laundry again. . . . Find me later.