Merry, Merry and Happy, Happy

Hmpf. Humans. I am Chobie.

Happy Christmas & Merry Holidays to all y'all! 

The husband is working for most of the night this evening. I'll be baking a coconut creme pie. From scratch. Then I'll be DVD'ing it with wine and, if I wish hard enough, maybe someone in a red fuzzy hat with matching suit and a belly that can shake it like a bowl full of jelly will bring me cupcakes!  

The husband will also be working Christmas day. I'll be at the zoo wishing all the critters who are far from home a very merry!  Then I'll be cooking a leetol bit for our Christmas dinner. . . . .

May you and yours find all the holiday cheer you want! 

Love is a Thing That Can Never Go Wrong

The husband & Dixie when we first adopted her

It's times like these that make the week. 

As some of you may have noticed, it's Christmas Holiday time. This week. So, it's all crazy-like around the city, state and nation. The husband has been on a night schedule for the last few shifts. He was home last night and even though I'm sick in the head with the pernicious Rhinovirus, I resisted the urge for much needed heavy doses of Nyquil. I tried to stay awake as long as the husband. This was hard. In fact, this was too difficult for my tired, snotty head. I psuedo fell asleep on the couch. . . . . .

The next thing I know, the husband is waking me at midnight with a bowl of freshly hand-popped popcorn, a couple of beers and a "Dr. No" DVD ready for "play". 

I made it until 1:30 AM. I have yet to finish the end of the very first "James. James Bond." But I fell a sleep with the hugest ear-to-ear grin this side of Tejas.

The Report of My Death Was NOT An Exaggeration

Something happened the other night at 4:03 AM. Something I never, ever, ever thought would happen. Something I definitely did not want to ever, ever, ever happen. Something I hope that will not ever, ever, ever occur again.

And I'm still supremely debilitated over it. Really. I am.

I was lying asleep completely dead to the world in my complete zombie mode. I faintly felt something run across my head. I heard a small thud as that something hit my pillow. I sat up in bed trying to realize if this was something dreamed, imagined or if a killer spider was on the loose. If any of you realize my terror of all things eight legged, then you comprehend that my heart was beating away at 250 beats per minute. This was not good. Trying unproductively to shake the sleep mode from my brain, I began tuning in my bat-ears, pleading to the gods that be to please make this a horrible nightmare; please don't make this be real. Please,please,please,please. . . .

That's when I heard it. A faint flutter. . . .

I screamed and hit the husband who happened to be lying right by me in his own coma induced sleep. I continued my delicate screaming, "OFALLTHINGSTHATAREHOLYTURNONTHELIGHT! TURNONTHELIGHT! TURNONTHELIGHT!" And, calmly without one iota of a question, the husband turned on the light. . . .

There, making freeway-like time towards the husbands head, on my pillow was a 2-inch long cockroach.

Yes. A $&%@'ing cockroach.

So, I did what any sane and very normal human being would do, I screamed bloody frackin' murder and forcefully threw my entire body off the end of our bed. Hitting the floor with a nice little thud. The husband whom had flown off the side of our bed, stood there, looking down at me and ever so serenely instructed me to extricate myself from my own entangled death trap on our floor to go get the toilet paper. I think I was back before he finished his request with the biggest wad of TP you could find this side of the Mason-Dixon Line at 4:04 AM.

Talk about traumatized. I mean, I'll just let all y'all guess as to how well I've been sleeping since then.

Wall-E's roach companion, Hal from Pixar Films. He is not my friend either. Death to all cockroaches. I mean, the thing has been hand squished and flushed down the toilet, but he's probably still alive. These things do pre-date dinosaurs by 70-million years and can live without its head for a MONTH. It's not natural.

Why Cats Are Smarter Than Dogs

I'm preparing for a bomb of different sorts today and it is not due to the fact that it is the husbands birthday. . . . .  Nope.  It is not that.  One of the dogs got into the cupcakes from the kitchen counter during the night.  Chocolate peanut-butter fudge no less.  

So, somehow and in someway one of our four-legged furries will be giving them back.  And not in a good form either. 

Birthdays, dogs and cupcakes.  I'm not sure they entirely go well together.  Thank the gods that be they don't know how to get into the vodka and wine.  

Folly of Oracle Verbiage

I just listened to a Louisiana po-po on TV say, ". . . being investigated for 'homo-side'. . . ."

Not, "hom-uh-sahyd" as it is properly pronounced, but "homo-side."

I have to say, I understand the Cajun/Louisiana accent. I do. I have worked with plenty individuals from the state that, unfortunately, gets hit pretty regularly by some awfully strong hurricanes. It, fortunately, was and still is strongly influence by a mixture of 18th century French, Spanish and African cultures. Hence a strong linguistic accent.

But really, in this day and age, you ought to try and not commit word pronunciation homicide.

I'm just sayin'.

Shopping Is Not Cheaper Than A Psychologist

I talked the husband into running the grocery errand with me after I was done with work.  He picked me up as usual and we headed to Central Market.  I'm making dinner tonight - it's baking while I type.  But this is besides the point. . . . 

I was at the grocery with my husband.  MY husband.  The one and only husband.  When I was approached by crazy men who decided that they shall strike up conversations with me.  

The husband thought it would be hilarious to walk away.  

And while all y'all think that I should have followed, I could not.  I was waiting for my order to be picked and wrapped.  

I was stuck.  

By myself.  

With a crazy man* asking me all sorts of questions, such as, "are you a nurse?" (I was wearing scrubs - I have to for my work) as well as "what are you making tonight?" and the ever obvious, "did you notice how cold it is outside? It's supposed to snow!"  Blah, blah, blah. . . . . (please strike me down with thunder. . .I mean, lightening - now.)

I tried to be polite.  

Do you ever get that really uncomfortable gut feeling?  

M'kay.  Need I say more.  

I found the husband, of course, in the wine section.  He was picking and choosing like he doesn't have a wife-who-monitors-&-reigns-in-the-ever-wine-loving-man-who-I-deem-the-husband. He was practically dancing around the entire section grabbing this and that.  I relayed my crazy man story.  

The husband just laughed.  Laughed!  At moi.  Hmpf.  Men.  

And then. . . . . it happened again with a completely different man**.  In the cheese section. Again, I tried to be polite.  Again, the husband walked away laughing.  

The husband is fired.  

*****************************************

*/**I'd like to point out here that these men were old.  Well, older than me anyway.  They were not some young hot tasty whipper snapper of a Rob Pattinson.  'Cos then I don't think the husband would have been so quick to walk away.  

I'm just sayin'.  

All The Running You Can Do To Keep The Same Place

Because my last post was so cool.

I now give you more geeky techno love:

No need to buy a separate GPS! A runner's, cyclists or any outdoor athlete's fitness dream. Powered by MapMyFitness - they had me at "hello" or maybe it was, "track your daily training data . . . ." Whatever the case may be, I was falling in love with a simple little gadget for my iPhone one more time this week. All the things I could do:

• Total Time
• Total Distance (in miles or kilometers)
• Pace (minutes per km/mile) or current speed
• Average Speed / Pace (km/mile)
• View your running maps directly on your iPhone
• Training Log including Distance, Calories Burned, Time, and Date
• Add Your Workout to Twitter
• And a partridge in a pear tree*
  

Imagine my excitement! I can instantaneously download and view my maps on the site or in Google Earth, post them on this here fantabulous blog (or website), email them to friends, or print them out for an event or group run, etc.

And, did I mention it was free? As in no charge for the application?! Blah, blah, blah. . . . Excitement. Excitement. Blah, blah, blah. . . .

So, I downloaded. I synced. I ran. Today. Close to 6-miles. With my GPS iMapMyRun turned on and in tow! While Britney Spears a cute little blonde's "Circus" new album was blaring in my ears. . . . . . . . (Huh? What? What's wrong? Motivation is key, m'kay?)

Anyway, an hour later, I doth return to plug in thy device from God Himself. . . . . . . . . . . . only to find that it didn't work.

What?!



It's supposed to be fab. It's also supposed to work. It couldn't possibly be the thing between the pavement and the iPhone, could it? Nah. Couldn't be. We'll see about next time. Stay tuned.



*No birds nor a tree are included. It's Christmas time folks, you think I'd honestly pass up getting some of your Scrooge McDoodge's undies in a bundle!

Snobs for the Snobby Snobbies

I'm still pouting over Facebook. If you missed reading as to why - look at my posting previous to this one. So in lieu of that stoopid technology, I give you what I have dubbed "really, really cool technology"*:

So that your phone could look like this**:

You don't have to be a wine snob to drink like a one.

That is all.

___________________________________________________________

*/**Because I give shout-outs when shout-outs are due, believe it or not, these images are not moi's. I know, I know. . . . . . . . . . . but they are from 9MMEDIA Blog and Digg. Check 'em.

@&#%$

I am in boycott mode of Facebook. It's stoopid.

You should know that.

So there.

That Soup is . . . . Sharp

I have a quick minute before I begin my marathon Christmas gift wrapping session. Because I've been neglecting all ya'll, I thought I'd post to say I'm still on planet earth. Some of you may have strong arguments as to this not actually being the case. To you I say "shoish up about that". I am too.

In my last post I mentioned I was "finished" and I am. Most of you guessed correctly - though vodka and cupcakes would have finished me it off nicely. I am still without cupcakes. Don't worry though, vodka is fully covered here in our home. Duh. Anyway, I am done with my Christmas shopping (that was completed way before millions of turkeys were sacrificed), my annual occasional perennial Christmas letter is written, printed & stuffed in their envelopes, which were hand addressed (big friggin' note to self: must obtain a computerized label program for next year & somehow will them to be inputted into the computer so I don't have to), all letters have been mailed and, finally, the house is complete with holiday decorations. Everything but the wrapping was finished before December 1, 2008. *Except Dixie, of course, found one of my gifts a bag of coffee beans and decided it would be a fabulous chew toy. A dog that is excitable if you barely bat an eyelash at her discovers raw java beans. I'll let you think about that one for a minute. . . .

***Jeopardy music*** (Feel my pain? Yes? Yes. No!? To quote Po, "it's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice. . . ." than I thought.)

So, I believe I do have to go out to buy another bag of coffee beans. Thanks for that Dixie Doodles. . . You've made a liar out of me. I was done and now I am not. The life of being an owner of 6 four-legged furry one's. Never a dull moment. Ever.

So, I'm done.

And I'm happy, because this morning I got up at 7 AM. I got caught up on all ya'lls blogs. I went out in this 32-degree Fahrenheit weather and picked out a bakers dozen of bagels for the husband and I. Some will have to be frozen, I can't eat that much in one sitting, but it's good to think about eating that much in one sitting. Holey fat round holes of goodnesses with a schmear! Mmm.

But what has made me happiest of all this morning is the simple fact that I'm drinking coffee. With actual half-n-half. Bou-to-the-yah!

Yes, coffee. One cup. That is all it takes in my simple mind . . . errr . . . life. I'm immeasurably full of delight with all things coffee goodness at the moment. You see, since I joined Team in Training back at the end of October, I complete my runs in the morning. If, and I strongly stress "if," I have coffee before I run, I get to taste it twice. And not in a good way either. So, I've stopped my morning cappuccino's and occasional lattes. Cold turkey. But since today, Thursday, is my group night run, I get to wallow, bathe, immerse, saturate, steep and baptize myself in a morning coffee. If even it is a small one.

I'm off for some wrapping good times. I wonder if my day could possibly get any better?