Wednesday, August 1, 2007

When You Were the Whole World's Special Little Guy

Here's how my puny leetol brain works, especially while perusing Best Buy.

dapper dan: can I ask you to what the Tour day Goat. . . .the GoatLeg . . . . the Geeeee. . . er, um, what your shirt says?
the husband: sure. You mean the Tour de Goatneck?
dapper dan: yeah! Can I ask you what that is? I mean, I saw your shirt and wondered what that was.
the husband: it's a annual bike ride in Cleburne, Texas. *it says it's a bike ride. Hulll-oh*
dapper dan: you ride bikes? How far do you have to ride for this Goatneck?
the husband: well there are staggered rides - 10 miles, 25 miles, 40 miles and 70.
dapper dan: so I suppose you rode all that?
the husband: yea - *laughing*
dapper dan: I would've done that in . . . . . . . . . . . *wait for it*. . . . . . . . .my car!
*everybody laughs*
dapper dan: so you get paid to race your bike?
the husband: *laughs* no. I just do it for fun. I mean, if you're lucky enough to get paid, you only make about $12,000.00 per year, so it's not really worth it monetarily.
dapper dan: so how do you have time to ride your bike? What is it that you do?
the husband: I do shift work. I'm lucky it leaves me the time it does to ride my bike. *what. do. you. want.*
dapper dan: how much time weekly do you spend on the bike?
the husband: *hesitates* . . . . . at least 15+ hours a week.
dapper dan: I love basketball, but you'd never find me doing that for 15 hours a week!
*everybody laughs again*
dapper dan: so, are you ever looking to diversify your income?
the husband: *gets very dark look on face* no. thank you for your time. *oh holy hell, dapper dan just brought out the dormant demon lord in the husband. Even I know not to do that. Geesh*
- - -
*dapper dan takes what he says is his wife and sulks out the front door of the store*

So, right. I'm standing next to my husband appropriately smiling, nodding, adding some awesome wit when befitting all the while thinking, "these people seem nice enough. . . . friendly. . . . engaging. . . .amusing. . . . " You know, all that jazz - just as if it's totally normal to walk up to 2 complete strangers and engage them into a 15-minute conversation. This, obviously, is utterly commonplace for us/moi to get accosted by two party crashers at Best Buy. Especially, since we were in the middle of deciding on that all important next X-Box 360 game. My thought processes. They're enchanting, really.

moi: did that guy. . . .did . . . did we just get SOLICITED in Best Buy?! *oh. my. gawd.*
the husband: yea - I wondered what he wanted.
moi: I just thought they were being nice - you know, friendly. How did you know? *you're my hero - my white knight in shiny, shiny armor*
the husband: well, they were nice. No need to be rude to them, I just wondered where that was going. . . . . Talk about a cold-call sales job!
moi: we just got solicited. at. Best. Buy. andIfellforit hook, line and sinker. *mortified*
the husband: I knew something was up.
moi: Thank God you were with me! Can you imagine if it was just me. . . . *shudder - double mortified*
- - -
moi: do we look like some sort of street bums that need extra money? I'm a princess you know - I don't work. *sort of comprehending that I just came in from a downfall of rain with frizzy hair and I was wearing damp workout clothes sans makeup. Note to self: look more fabulous going out to run errands*
the husband: *deep laughter* I guess we do and that's why you're getting a job, eh? 'Cos you're a princess and you don't work, huh?
moi: well, I am too a princess . . . *consternation*

Here's how the husbands brain works, especially while perusing Best Buy.

Get away from us you jackhole doofass. I don't know what you want, but I don't want it. *hostile witness*

How the heck does he know these things? More importantly, why do I think this is normal behavior from 2 strangers to come up to us and start talking about bike racing when they know absolutely nothing about it? Do I have an unknown tattoo across my forehead that says, "naively gullible" so come to me my disciples? Do I smell?

Come to think about it, dapper dan's job totally sucks. The husband is, once again, unfathomably correct, "talk about a cold-call sales job." I am of the opinion that these types of jobs should be illegal. I'm enjoying my time shopping with my husband, not looking for a job. If I was looking for a job I'd be talking to the manager or at home on the computer researching or sending out resumes, etc., etc., etc. Not standing in the game section of Best Buy just hoping for someone to spot us and ask us if we want to diversify our income.


Alli said...

Why do people do that??? That is so weird to me; to try to get complete strangers interested in a job??? Perhaps it's like those Mary Kay ladies (thank goodness the sis no longer does that).

My hubby had a similar & very weird experience a few weeks ago. He was alone shopping around for some polo shirts in a department store when this nicely dressed man comes up to him & strangely says, "I couldn't help but notice that you are a shorter man." The hubby, dumb-founded, turns to look at him. Then man then tries to solicit him in the same manner as the man that approached your husband. The hubby quickly, but professionally shoots him down (probably telling him to bugger off in his head). Who does that? Who approaches a complete stranger with such weird comments!!!!

I don't get it.

Ian said...

"Diversify your income?" Huh? I mean, "supplement your income" I would understand. Diversify it? Does that make sense to anyone? If I diversify my income, wouldn't I be giving up part of my current salary to get alternative income from somewhere else?

Jen said...

I had heard of these types of people when I lived back in The Woodlands, but I didn't believe it. Until, I was approached by 2 different ladies in 2 different grocery stores within the same week (it's like I was jinxed hearing about this).

They both wanted me to sell Mary Kay products. I told them I used your sister for MK products and that was the only way I got rid of them (& boy did they leave fast - said they didn't want to step on any MK sister's toes).

Who isn't enraptured with someone (if even a stranger) when they come up to you out of the blue and say, "You're a beautiful woman! You look great! What kind of makeup do you use?" Blah, blah, blah. . . They had me at the "compliments". Then, they brought out the MK sales position and products available.

Seriously. This should be illegal. I'm out shopping! Not job hunting. It's obtrusive & more so annoying.

Ian, as usual, you are right.

Why do people do this?

Alli said...

Oh, and the hubby never did figure out what kind of work that man was in. I asked, "What, does he sell clothes for "shorter men or something?" Or as the hubby calls it, "Badger clothes".....don't ask....he's goofy.

Jen said...

We didn't find out either.

BTW ~ I think the guy was a dolt for saying, "I couldn't help but notice that you are a shorter man." It's just rude to point out one's badgerness(?), or so I think anyway.

Jay said...

That's just really strange. I mean, what what was the job? Going down to Mexico and moving a trunk load of blow across the boarder? LOL

mindy said...

What did he want your husband to do?

Sounds to me like they were swingers. I'm just sayin'.

Princess of the Universe said...

I'm with Mindy.

Jen said...

Jay: Holy mother of God, I never thought of that! Next thing you know you'd have to be all stealth-ninja-like to come save our asses from some Mexican jail.

Mindy: I'm a horrible sharer of things that are mine, mine, mine. Especially, the husband.

PrincessTUniv: How is that I don't know these things? I need serious help. I got pulled in entirely too fast and wouldn't have gotten out if the husband hadn't been there.

mindy said...

Don't worry Jen, I used to be the same way. There is hope for you.

The turning point for me?

A girl I had class with in undergrad (on some drunken night) told me I was beautiful. I was like "Omigod you are SO beautiful too!" And she said "no, you're REALLY beautiful." "No YOU are!"


Her: "Would you be interested in a threesome?"

UM. No.

alex said...

I think blokes get a vibe about these kind of people, perhaps I'm just too cynical. I immediately go on the defensive. Fi on the other hand will (funnily enough) talk to them and I just growl like a cornered cat (in my head). I don't think it's naivety, I think girls are just nicer!

Lefty said...

What awful manners. Can't trust anyone these days, can you?

By the way, are you sure your life insurance coverage is adequate?