Thursday, March 8, 2007

He Was Going to Take My Water, Possibly My Soul

As most of you know, the husband that I married is a really good man. I am more than lucky. I know this. He is gentle, he is funny, he is smart, he has white teeth (in fact, he has all his teeth), he has no known criminal record, he is kind, he has all his fingers and toes, he works hard, he has a heart full of love among loads of other positive traits most women look for in a man before becoming Mr. & Mrs. Ball-And-Chain. I love him fully - even the faults he holds are endearing (if you give me a couple days and a couple bottles of wine, I can find a way to make any annoyance almost heavenly. Mostly, but not always.)

This includes the our exchange at 1:47 AM the other morning.

I awoke from the dead of sleep to a TV blaring something from the Military Channel. This most likely included bombs exploding on the earth somewhere. Or large guns going off in repeated succession. Or both. I'm not sure which, as I was dazed and slightly confused. . . . Yet, I do not believe that I awoke because of the TV. No, I believe I was kicked to consciousness.

But the act alone did awaken me and because I was 1/2 dead and wanted some sympathy for my hurting shin, I meekly said, "Honey. . . You kicked me. It hurt."

To which the husband responded, "Wahhh, wahhh, wahhh. . . go cry to someone who cares like you always do. . . ." Mass confusion set in. Do I really do that? Why did he say that? What had I done to make him be mean to me? At 1:47 AM? This should have been a huge clue as to why the husband said what he said, but being blond and 1/2 dead is not a good combination for me at that time in the morning. Besides, the world was being blown to bits right before my ears and that only added to my utter bewilderment.

So, I wanted to prevail. I needed to, as I needed the TV off. I then humbly and in the most docile way asked the husband who had successfully rolled over and fell back into a blissful sleep in less than 2.3 seconds, "why are you being such a jerk."

Somewhere a bomb exploded. Literally.

The husband rolled back over with his eyes closed said, "@#^%&* Jennifer! If I want to be a jerk, I can be a jerk." And with a "hmmmphf" he disgustedly rolled back over, pulled the covers up to his chin and fell back asleep. I don't even know this man. There was suddenly a stranger in my bed.

I was not done.

"What's going on? Why are you being like this? Can you at least turn off the TV?"

A few more seconds go by.

"Thomas. Please. Turn. Off. The. TV. . . "

More time passes.

"Thoma . . . "


"Could you please turn off the TV? You have the remote and stop being so mean to me. I also expect a full apology in the morning."

With that the TV was finally turned off.


The very next morning. . . .

The husband gets up a bit too early and within a few minutes comes crawling back into bed. With a kiss on my shoulder he said, "G'morning baby! I love you!" My eyes flew open to see his humble pie eating grin where I preceded to look at him like he had lost his damn mind. The husband looked back at me and with his smile fading he said, "What? What's wrong? What'd I do?"


Ian said...

Hmm, TVs in the bedroom are a tactical mistake I reckon. Watching TV in bed is a rare treat for when you're staying in hotels or when you're sick.

Jen said...

Ahhh-hem. BTW ~ back in the day (was it 6 years ago now) when I met you,and if I recall correctly, you, for years, Mr. Morrison had a TV, Computer, X-Box, Playstation and all the gadgets a man could know, desire and love in his B-E-D-R-O-O-M.

Yep! That's right, folks, he had it in his bedroom. ALL the gadgets. So, what happened to you and how did you jump on this "no TV in the bedroom" craze? Where did this appear from? Inquiring minds want to know . . .

Alli said...

Unfortunately, we usually fall asleep to a movie or "Futurama" or "Family Guy" on the Cartoon Netowrk....but we almost always set a timer. The TV timer is a blessing!!! I never had a TV in my bedroom until I met the hubby...b/c I only had one little 13 inch TV in my living room at that time. Yes, I know a 13 inch TV is sad. (I did't have a DVD player either until he bought me one.) I never was really into electronics. Sometimes I wish we didn't have a TV in our bedroom, but you know most men and their electronics.... Ian, you are a rare one. :) If we could afford it, the hubby would probably have a flat screen in EVERY room "because that would be so cool!" ;p

Jen, did you discuss with your husband about his sleep talking?? I bet he would be shocked! :)

Mindy said...

When I was little and sick in the middle of the night I'd go into my parents' room and try wake my mom and she would very angrily tell me to go back to bed. In the morning she always felt awful. She claims she was "asleep". I think she just didn't want me in there!

Jen said...

I'm going to start blogging all the things the husband has to say while he's "supposedly" sleeping. . . It's my way of secretly getting back at him for being so mean to me in the middle of the night.

I could tell you about the time he started ordering med's and procedures and I decided to act like I knew what the hell I was talking about while addressing him, Dr. Luton. He eventually woke up and told me to knock it off and to quit f@*&$%#'ing with him. But I'll save that for another blog. . .

He called me last night while I was in the middle of this blog. He asked me what I was doing. I said, "blogging." He asked, "about what?" I was silent. He asked again. I said nothing. And he said, "Jen. What. Are. You. Blogging. About?" I responded, "Ummm about 'Wahhh, wahhh, wahhh' the other night."

To which he dismally and unpretentiously said, "Thanks, Honey."

Tee hee

Ian said...

Well, yeah, but that's when I didn't have room to put it all anywhere else. Now I do.

Ian said...

Maybe the version of events on his blog will be different.

Ian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

I'm sorry? ? ? There is only one version of the events to this story. Mine.

Ian said...

No, there is only one correct version of this story. Yours, obviously . But, you know, his version might be interesting, for reference.

Ian said...

By the way, I like the new site, but your link to your new old blog is broken. If you care you need to put this as the URL:

That might wrap, cos it's so long, but that's hardly my fault.

Is it?

Jen said...

Ian --> Thanks for the catch and the correction! All has been changed and all should now be working links.